this songs so beautiful. it makes me want to go run through a field.

Another Waitt Christmas

one house+ 29 family members+ every cookie imaginable = the Waitt Family Christmas

I tried to liven up the Waitt Christmas with a game of Signs. It didn't really go over too well. I guess some things are best left in the south.

e elliot

so i just stumbled upon a wise passage from elizabeth elliot. enjoy!!

".....the Lord showed me the indispensable lesson of Deuteronomy 8, a review of Israel's wilderness experience. while they craved for the food they had had in Egypt, God gave them manna. manna was supernatural food, miraculously provided, and it was all they needed. but even a miracle did not stop the wanting of leeks, onions, garlic, watermelons, and fish. if he had given them what they naturally craved, they would never have learned to eat manna, they would never have acquired a taste for the the bread which came down from heaven. God made them hungry on purpose-in order to humble and test them, to discover what was far more important than leeks and onions: that man does not live by those things alone, but by the Word of the Lord. "The Lord your God was disciplining you as a father disciplines his son."

i want some more...

my day was just made...i don't have to pre-lab today!! meaning that i may actually get some sleep. so i cannot believe that it's the dead of november! i'm soo thankful because i don't think that i can handle this nursing school thing much longer. it really takes a toll of you.

i think it's funny how stupid we can be sometimes. we try and be our own god and we totally fail. i feel that lately i've been blinded by my own wants and desires that i fail to see God. i know in my head that He works everything out for good and that the place He has me is where He wants me. awhile ago a preacher was telling a story about his child. that him and his wife have always been there for their daughter who's a toddler. one morning she wanted yogurt, therefore he filled up her cup with the amount that he knew she could handle. she started freaking out! saying that she wanted more, screaming at her father. he just sat there and was like "i know you, i've known you from birth, and i know just how much yogurt can handle!" ahh that's such a perfect picture of the gospel!! we are rebels, thinking that we know more than our Father. when the truth is that He knows you. He knows just how much you can handle. And He wills things to happen in our life's for the purpose of drawing us closer to Him. Oh i just wish that it was that easy to just be like i got it! oh life...

"for it is GOd who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." phil 2:13

"for whenever our hearts condemn us, GOd is greater than our heart, and He knows EVERYTHING." 1 john 3:20

Poison and Wine

THE SONS

i love them...i just found this song thanks to pandora!!

time will tell

my last summer is fading just about as fast as my summer tan. i still cannot believe that i have one more year of school left! i know that i should've been saying those words two years ago, but life never does seem to work out the way that you want it too. i mean if it did, i'd be living on some cattle ranch in texas, married to my jimmy stewart and have a horse named muley. ha i guess i'm glad things didn't work out that way because i just recently spend 10 hours in the state an wasn't too impressed. i'd say colorado is looking pretty good these days though... oh that's the question that people love to ask me: what are you going to do after you graduate?????

good question. well i since the one of the things that i'm naturally good at is being a nomad, i'd say somewhere other then here! ha honestly i haven't got a clue. i know that i love mountains, farmland, lakes, and i secretly want to be a kayak instructor on my days off. ha that would be awesome. i guess only time will tell.

dream machine part 2

ok so back to the adventure with the dream machine. my mother and i decided to set sail the next day after we got the boat out of retirement. i use to know things about sailing, but i myself had been in retirement, seeing that it had been 10 years since i'd been on a sailboat. so i watched my mother get the boat ready, i jump on board and she soon follows my lead. wow were we sailing!!! we managed to sail 5 feet and then the boat tipped over! ok so that should've been a warning sign. i mean, that isn't normal and there wasn't some catastrophic wind that would have caused that to happen. but my mother was determined. so my cousins helped us flip the boat upright and gave us a sand bucket and said see ya!

so we sail a ways and the boat flips. we're laughing because it is a bit humorous. i stand on the center board and flip the boat back. 2 feet later the boat flips, hahaha it's still fun, then it flips again and again. basically i couldn't keep track of the number of times that the stupid 1970's sailboat flipped. all i knew was that it wasn't funny anymore and now we were in a predicament. how in the world are we going to make it home??? sure we were a mile off shore, but all the adults were out for the morning, which meant that no one was going to rescue us anytime soon. i'm standing on the flipped boat at this point, watching these people boating near us just having the time of their lives! ha i guess we were invisible or something because if i was on a motor boat and i saw two women on a capsized boat i'd probably we see if they need help. but nooo, we were all alone in the middle of silver lake with a sailboat that had since it's last sail and a sand bucket. fun basically. while at this point we felt that the only thing left to do was swim to the shore....therefore my mother made the executive decision that i'd man the boat as she swam to shore. yeah i don't know how she decided that seeing that i know zero about sailing and i still have my youth, or at least i like to think i do. so my mom starts swimming toward shore. i'm left standing on the boat, just chilling. so as she is swimming away i have this sudden burst of energy and i decide that i'm going to make this boat sail back, even if it meant risking my life....ok so i got a little carried away right there....anyway i failed miserably and this fail resulted in 12 bruises on my arms ha. so after trying to sail the boat like 4 more times i surrender and just stand on the boat. then all of a sudden i hear a boat!! finally someone is here to save me!! the boat gets closer and i'm like wonder what the name of this boat is??? oh that's nice marine patrol!! i think that i'd rather be saved by pirates then the marine patrol of north conway. it was this old man that looked like he was straight out of an andy griffith episode. i'm like great! i was expecting johnny depp and i get barney fife! he's like you need some help?? me thinking to myself "what do you think?? i'm in the middle of silver lake with a vintage sailboat that has died in the water! i'm just ya know, dandy!" but i refrain and laugh and am like yeah!! so his like okay well put the sail down and i'll tie her to my boat. sure, i know how to do that ha. i'm glad that i watched my mom put the sail up or i'd be clueless. i manage to get the sail down and climb into the patrol boat. the guy is all smiles. creepy. he calls into the station and reports "female on board with capsized boat in silver lake...." i'm like great! he starts asking me questions and has me fill out paper work. oh and i'm like "oh i think that's my mom???" my mom is on some jet ski with a stranger, she waves and then disappears towards shore. maybe it's because i live in memphis now, but i don't trust people enough to think that they are "safe." like barney fife totally a creeper in my book. after i filled out the paper work he looked down at my writing and goes.."Katie Waitt...." i'm thinking "yeah it's a perfect common name...and why are you saying my name?" ugh. well after what feels like an eternity i make it back to shore. we tie up the boat and barney lectures my mom about always staying with the boat and to use the universal distress signal...which i guess is waving your arms up in the air, as if a capsized boat isn't enough of a distress signal. and he informs us that we should always carry a whistle, then processed to tell us that we need to have the boat registered. oh what a day! and what an adventure. so after we retell the events to the family and all have a good laugh. later that day we investigate the dream machine and come to find out that it had a leak in it!!!! a massive leak. so it wasn't the sailor's fault at all. it had been 20 or so years since the boat had sailed, basically meaning that it was well pass it's glory days.

i guess this boat wasn't really meant to sail that day and maybe the only thing that keep the little blue boat a float was the determination that my mother had to relive her youth. which is always good in theory, but honesty when was the last time that you went back to something that left such a mark on your heart from the past and you tried to bring it back to the present, that it ended up being a good thing? like i remember i loved sloppie joe's as a kid and a couple years back i decided to relive that favorite meal...so i made manwich and about vomited because it was so gross haha. i guess my point things are best left in the past because as time moves on we change, things change, and what we felt was so perfect then doesn't fit in the present. life's all about timing and sure the dream machine was the queen of silver lake 30 years ago, but that was then and this is now. well that's all i have for now. i do have to say that i'm glad that i had the opportunity to sail on that boat, even if it left me with my share of scars.

still beating

so i'm in love with josh ritter!! thanks to a long car drive through alabama the beautiful this past weekend. ok so here's the song that is on my mind right now. i just love it because it's so honest and pure. nothing special, just a voice and a guitar.

Learning to be Miserable...

Part 2 of the Dream Machine will be coming to you soon. I just had to share this message that my dad sent me the other day. It is by Jason Bryson of Memphis Fellowship. It's calling Learning to be Miserable....

In Stephen Pressfield’s classic “War of Art”, he mentions that the high
performers, the creatives, those who produce, those who are effective, etc.
eventually have to learn to “be miserable”.
“The artist must be like that marine. He has to know how to be miserable. He has
to love being miserable. He has to take pride in being more miserable than any
soldier…because this is war, baby. And war is hell.” (68)

I believe this is a powerful idea and one every man, every leader and every
change agent must learn in order to perform and push through tough seasons of
life and leadership.

Navy Seals teach this...one of my friends at dinner mentioned how two-a-days
football practices taught him this...another friend added how Medical school
Residency taught him this...I threw in how that was my greatest lesson in
training for and running a marathon…you can be miserable, and still move
forward, produce and thrive. God teaches this…see Abraham, Moses, Joseph,
David, Paul…take your pick.

What a powerful lesson we should all live! Could there be a greater gift, on a
practical level, to invest in our kids? How can we train emerging leaders or
church planters with this reality?

In our age of spoiled kids, privileged kids, over-indulgence, helicopter
parenting, and the lies we tell kids and young men and women that they “can be
and do anything they want to be and do”…many are launching “soft” young adults
into the world who have no idea how to struggle well or thrive through misery…so
they pout and quit and remain a taker, not a giver.

Couple that with ridiculous expectations that a perfect job is waiting on them
along with a perfect boss in exactly the city they want to live in along with a
paycheck that is more than they’ll need and you have a recipe for a
disaster…check most 20-somethings.

The few truly understand, theologically, that we live in a fallen world, this is
not heaven (thank God), life is hard, there is much pain, disappointment and
misery…but in the midst of that, by God’s grace, we can learn to cultivate and
create in the midst of circumstances that will rarely, if ever, be ideal.

A friend once told me to pinch Gen 1 and 2 in one hand and Rev 19 and 20 in the
other. Those 4 chapters are perfection. The other 1,185 chapters in the Bible
teach us to contend in the midst of a fallen world.

Don’t be a whiner, quitter, or baby and quit pouting or being surprised about
“how hard” it is to do what you are doing. Of course it is. You are limited as
a fallen human in a fallen world. Learn to cultivate and create…all the while,
being miserable. If you can thrive and stay on mission, especially through the
worst of circumstances, you are preparing to be a game changer, a true leader,
who can adapt, adjust, and endure.

Jesus is still our perfect rescuer and our relentless pursuit of Him is still
our greatest joy.

Whoa, that was deep, but yet so refreshing to hear! So often I get stuck in my own world of thinking. The world where I'm in control and everything is going to happen according to my plans. Ha in my dreams right? It's so hard being a Christian in this broken world because nothing, I mine nothing in this world is going to satisfy us! We make idols out of things and worship earthly relationships, when the fact is that we need to turn to God. If everything always worked out according to the plans that we have constructed we would not need God! Ugh, there is so much a don't know and want to know! And I don't understand God's plans and why he brings us to the places he does. But no matter where we are, God is with us and is trying to make us cling to Him. Here are some verses that made me think of this whole topic of trusting God, His plans, etc....

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in HIM." The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD....For the Lord will NOT cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love." Lamentation 3:22-31

"Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a GOd of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him." Isaiah 30: 18

"The Lord has discipline me severely, but he has not given me over to death." Psalm 118:18

this is deep.... "that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us." Ephesians 3:16-20

Dream Machine Part 1

I guess if I had to say that the theme of my summer is learning to trust. Living in a broken world, I get to caught up in my own insecurities and believe the lies that the devil whispers in my ear that I'm not good enough, I'm not going to make it out of this storm, I'm all alone....yeah I think you get the point. Well this prayer of trusting God with my life really came into play this past week as as the plans that I had weaved together in my head came ripping apart at the seam....

It all started with an adventure. The most random last minute thing that I think I've ever done was to buy a plane ticket to Portland, Maine to visit my mom and her side of the family. So within 24 hours of buying the plane ticket I was in New England. Craziness! I hadn't seen my mom's family in almost 4 years so it was refreshing to see the faces that were buried in the back of my mind. My grandparents and mother picked me up from the airport and we had a nice reunion. I've decided that airports are on my list of most romantic places. Just the whole idea of someone that cares about you enough to drop you off to watch you disappearance in a crowd of strangers. Then allowing you to get on a massive jet that is going to fly you to some foreign place just screams romance to me. I will continue this point in a little while. So anyway we drive back to New Hampshire, taking the scenic route (which is the only route) though the state of Maine and the Shire. We drove through towns that were founded in the 1700's! Which just blows my mind. We finally make it back to the lake house that we were staying at and I reunited with my mom's family. Which I found out that my mom's family is so different from my dad's that it's not even funny. I mean they are about the same size, but my mom's family is loud and Catholic. So I enjoying relaxing in by the lakeside, reading, and laughing at how ridiculous my mom's family is.

Now one thing about my mom that is quite humorous is that went she goes back to her roots she feels as if she's back to her youth. One time we for example, we went ice skating. My mom told me stories of how she would be picked before the boys when she was younger. So we're skating along and next thing i know she smacks her elbow on the ice so hard that it started to bruise right away. She goes "I don't remember the ice being that slippery??" Serious mom, serious??? Anyway this time she was as inspired to sail the 1970's Dream Machine, aka her sailboat that she grew up sailing. So on July 25 her and I decided to set sail the sky blue dream machine.... little did we know that it would be the last sail of Dream Machine's life.....

back home again in indiana!!

I love that song from the previous post ha! I thought that it would be appropriate seeing that I'm heading back to home sweet home in a couple days. I feel that sometimes I get carried away with my dramatic life that I take for granted where my roots stem from.....

Like when most kids where spending their summers swimming and playing with their friends, I was helping my dad. Just thinking about those countless summers that I spend working on our farm brings back the sweet fragrance of new mown hay, the feeling of the hot sun beaming down on me, and the words of my mom saying "I wish I could just bottle up the aroma of freshly cut alfalfa..." Every summer she would say the same thing, but it never seems to get old. Or watching the cows reactions when they see my dad carrying fresh hay bales, it's like Christmas Day for them. I remember as a kid would sit in the feed bin and pass out flakes of hay to the cows and imagine that I was handed out pieces of cake ha. Then I would just hang out with them and talk to them while them ate. I guess that's a little odd, but I feel that I'm somewhat normal now or at least I like to think so...

Oh good ole farm life. It's so weird that I've been away from the farm for a year and a half! I feel so lazy sometimes, like now I have the day off and I feel that I should be doing something. I know that I'll probably be singing a different tune come Thursday when my dad puts me back to work in the field. I feel that country life is so embedded in my heart now that my love for it will never die. Ha so cheesy! I guess the point that I'm trying to make is that I miss that little piece of heaven that's down a little gravel road in the middle of the Hoosier State.

Rodney Atkins - Farmer's Daughter (official music video)

so i was driving home last night and i was listening to this burnt cd that my friend gave me. this hymn, that i've heard probably a thousand times started playing. it just was so convicting....

1. Out of my bondage, sorrow and night,
   Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
   Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light,
   Jesus, I come to Thee;
   Out of my sickness, into Thy health,
   Out of my want and into Thy wealth,
   Out of my sin and into Thyself,
   Jesus, I come to Thee.
2. Out of my shameful failure and loss,
   Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
   Into the glorious gain of Thy cross,
   Jesus, I come to Thee;
   Out of earth’s sorrows, into Thy balm,
   Out of life’s storms and into Thy calm,
   Out of distress to jubilant psalm,
   Jesus, I come to Thee.
3. Out of unrest and arrogant pride,
   Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
   Into Thy blessed will to abide,
   Jesus, I come to Thee;
   Out of myself to dwell in Thy love,
   Out of despair, into raptures above,
   Upward for aye on wings like a dove,
   Jesus, I come to Thee.
4. Out of the fear and dread of the tomb,
   Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
   Into the joy and light of Thy home,
   Jesus, I come to Thee;
   Out of the depths of ruin untold,
   Into the peace of Thy sheltering fold,
   Ever Thy glorious face to behold,
   Jesus, I come to Thee.

Wow...it's song is has my name all over it! this broken world feeds on my soul, making me feel that i'm nothing but some useless instrument. i remember this art project that my church made awhile ago. they took broken instruments and orchestrated a beautiful masterpiece by incorporating all of pieces together into a single display. the theme was that just like the instruments, we are broken and it takes a gifted musician to come along an sees the beauty within the brokeness. this hymn just speaks that, wherever we are in our daily battle of living in this world our Father is there. that no matter how many times seem to fail, our Father's unfailing love covers our failures. lately i've been thinking about failures and how we let sin inhabit our hearts. that we let it build up within us to produce shame that weighs down our soul....

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt 11:29-30.

why cant it be that easy?? aww i love these next verses, they just pierce my heart....

"blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:3-9

good quote

Lately I'm realized just how some people are very hard to love and it's so easy for me to give up and let bitterness harden my heart towards them. My friend gave me this quote....

"I admit that this means loving people who have nothing lovable about them....perhaps it makes it easier if we remember that is how HE loves us. Not for any nice, attractive qualities we think we have, but just because we are things called selves. For really there is nothing else in us to love: creatures like us, who actually find hatred such a pleasure that to give it up it like giving up beer or tobacco."- C.S. Lewis

bye bye fb

So as of yesterday I've deactivated my facebook account.....for good! I just came to the conclusion that I was a slave to it. That my friendships were turning into how much we interacted via wall post and status updates. I have always had this urge to stop using facebook, but I always was like "but it's a good way to keep in touch with people." Which I guess is kind of true, but then the more I think about it, the more I realize that I really wasn't keeping in touch with people, I was stalking them! All I had to do was login my account and I could find out what was going on in anyones life without any human interaction. I just feel that this way of going about a friendship is so materialized. I mean think about it. When someone posts a picture of you that you think is unflattering what do you do???? umm de-tag, it's like you can erase the parts of your life that you don't like. Then we build up our profile using the cutest picture we can find, even if it was taken 2 years ago when you looked totally different. I mean who's going to know anyway right? Then you have the guy factor.... Whether it's an ex or some guy that you're crushing on, you want to find out as much as you can about them so of coarse you stalk their profile. You make connections that you can use to your advantage the next time you see them. Being all like "Yeah I love Coldplay..." when truly you don't have a clue of who the lead singer is. That's just one of the parts of the guy factor, the other one is to see how many girls he has writing on his wall. You read way into the wall posts and you let bitterness grow inside your heart because of some silly sentence that everyone and their brother has access to. Man I could just go on and on, but I'm pretty such that I"ve already stepped on a few peoples feet right now.

Basically I've just felt so convicted to pursue real meaningful relationships. I mean isn't that what Jesus did? He pursued people, broken messed up people like me. He didn't care if they had their life together because He was doing it out of love. He didn't do it to see how my friends we could show the world that he had, but out of His unfailing love. I don't know, I'm off my soapbox for now ha.

What Time Is It???

So I've decided that life is all about timing....

"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek GOd, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us." Acts 17:26-27

I just love those verses. I was listening to a sermon the other day on this very topic of time. It related to dating, but I feel that you can relate it to anything in life. For example, say a few years back you met someone. The sparks were flying and time felt like it stood still when you were with them. Everything was going great, just so peachy, until time passes and you see your paths leading down different roads. You begin to have a change of heart. Why is that? Probably because the feelings that you felt at the being of the relationship: the sparks, etc, were not feelings of love, but feelings of timing. That God placed the right person in your life at that moment and it just fit.

Lately, I've been seeing this happening in my life. Like me coming to Memphis, it was God's timing. I wanted, longed so much to go to Auburn, however, God saw a different way. And looking back now I can see how many amazing things that God has done in my life, with the friendships that he's given me and the struggles that I've faced in nursing school. I just think that it's so amazing how God knows our allotted periods, he knows our dwelling place. That every relationship, job choice, or place is somehow shaping us into the person that God wants us to be. We just need to trust him and let him lead us.

Don't Go Chasing Crabs.

So I'm on vacation with the family that I nanny for. Well I guess it's not really a vacation seeing that I"m working, but still it's at the beach so that kind of makes it a vacation. Yesterday I was playing in the ocean with the girls and I had a super cheesy moment, ha so I'm going to share it.

Sumner was catching waves and I was too, the next thing that I know Sumner's screaming. A crab just pinched her! That so freaked me out. I mean I've only been to the ocean a total of 7 times in my lifetime, so I don't really do sea creatures. Sumner and Lizzie decide to go get their nets, so they could catch the crab! For the next hour we are walked down the ocean shore on the look out for a crab! After we searched high and low we ended up with nothing!

Later in the day Sumner was asking me about guys. And she goes "Katie, don't you want to find a guy?" I just was laughing because she's ten and way too in touch with everything. My response to her was the story of the crab. I explained that when you go out looking for a crab you end up finding nothing. But if you go on with your life and don't think about the crab, then it will end up finding you. Man I don't know where all this cheese is coming from, but I feel that it's one of my gifts in life. So the moral of the story is to not to go chase guys because it'll just leave you with a broken heart. You just have to learn to live your life without one and he'll find you.

home sweet home

go in peace

i'm at the poplar sitting on the kitchen counter just thinking about how the kitchen is my favorite part of a house. i've shared so many good memories, life lessons in little kitchens. today i've just been baking, but i have been mediating on the things that has placed on my heart lately... obedience to God, finding rest in Him alone, desiring to really know God, a desire to share the Gospel with my classmates, wanting to know lulu ( a middle aged woman who pushes a grocery cart down poplar at the same time everyday). my list goes on and on. i feel that more things are added to the list daily. things that i want to happen in my life, spiritual things and even relationships. i know that i wrote about trusting in God a couple of weeks ago, but i've still struggling with it. i want to have the peace of God and rest in that! like that verse in philippians:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

that sounds easy enough, but how do we get this "peace." my only answer is through God's word. soaking in scripture, having fellowship and community with other believer's. i love it when it says "which surpasses all comprehension." that God's peace is beyond our understanding! we just have to trust in Him, that He is working the things out in our live's for the good. today i was listening to a sermon from my preacher back home and it was on suffering. he was talking about how we are going to suffer. that Christ suffered for us on the cross, so what makes us think that we aren't going to suffer? that is so true. i feel that sometimes i think that my life shouldn't be this hard. i feel so selfish in thinking like that when my struggles and suffering don't amount to those in haiti or somewhere on the other side of the world. i don't have to worry about suffering in believing the Gospel, going to church like people in china. but to me my suffering is real, it's important....not just because it is happening to me, but because is is shaping my faith. every broken relationship, every person, place, test, day, is somehow shaping, sanctifying me! i love this quote by c.s. lewis "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." God is using the pain that has wounded my heart to draw my closer to him! if we never had pain, stress, suffering we would fail to live for Chris because everything would be perfect. well i could go on but the stress of school is weighing my down.

dying to become new

if i could have dinner with anyone on this earth it would be elizabeth elliot! i stumbled upon this quote in one of her books...

"deeper and deeper must be the dying, for wider and fuller is the lifetide that it is to liberate-no longer limited by the narrow range of our own being, but with endless powers of multiplying in other souls. death must reach the very springs of our nature to set it free; it is not this thing or that thing that must go now: it is blindly, helplessly, recklessly, our very selves. a dying must come upon all that would hinder God's working through us-all interests, all impulses, all energies that are "born of the flesh"-all that is merely human and apart from His Spirit."

just the wording in that passage is so powerful..."blindly, helplessly, recklessly." that just convicts me of my brokeness. my brokeness of loving the world more than my Father. i love when it says "a dying must come upon all that would hinder God's working through us." that my life isn't about me, know matter how much i like to think so. "by the power of GOd, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began." 2 timothy 1:9. that's so empowering. that we have to die from our sinful self.

lately i've been thinking about what i'm struggling with and probably like every other college girl it's contentment. just contentment in the place that God has placed me and in singleness. i feel that in my singleness God is slowly revealing to me just my selfish heart is. how i think "God why can't it be this way or that way?" when i shouldn't even be questioning the place that God has me. i read in ecclesiastes last week these verses "consider the work of GOd; who can make straight what he has made crook? in the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: GOd has made the one as well as the other , so that man may not find out anything that will be after him." i'm just stopped in my tracks. God is in control of my life and i need to trust in Him! that Him could use the place that i'm at to draw me closer to Him and share His Kingdom! that painting perfect pictures in my head of what my life is going to look like is not going to get me anywhere. we are calling to live our live's for Christ, why do we act like his blood was cheap??

love is here

so my new favorite band is tenth avenue north! they are amazing....well one of their songs is called "love is here.' i love it, and i'm been thinking lately what lesson God is trying to teach my now and i've reached the conclusion that it is love! ha i feel that sounds so elementary. that sometimes i find myself skipping over love. i'm like oh i know all about love, blah, blah, blah. but the more i see my heart, i realize how somewhere along this bumped road of my life i have let bitterness take home and i fail to remember the love that Christ has for me! me a fallen, broken sinner has the unfailing love of our LORD! i was reminded of this again in reading 2 timothy 1. paul is writing a letter to timothy and the words that he uses are words that i'm sad to say aren't in my everyday vocabulary.

"...as i remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. as i remember your tears, i long to see you, that i may be filled with joy." 2 timothy 1:3-4

it is so amazing to read the love that paul had for his brother in Christ! when was the last time you felt those kind of feelings toward a brother or sister i Christ? I know for me i'd have to admit i cannot thing of one. o the brokeness of my heart! feel that when i read verses like these i just skim the surface and never actually drive in deep. i make the reading of God's word like my little fix in the morning with my coffee and at night before i go to bed. but that it's enough! i need to be feeding and soaking in the power of the gospel. hebrews 4:12-13 "for the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and discerning to thoughts and intentions of the heart. and no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." those verses are so powerful! i pray for love and compassion for my spiritual family.

jersey cow syndrome

i guess it was only a matter of time before i was broken down by this world again. usually the stresses and the challenges of nursing school are the things that get under my skin, but this time it's my situation.

my dad is the one that i usually has to calm my thoughts down. if he was to describe me he'd probably say that i was a jersey cow. for those of you that don't know the relationship between me and a jersey cow i will explain. jersey's are creatures of habit and are very stubborn. they have order and a system that they must follow or they freak out. well by freak out i mean lock their legs and freeze in place. if a new person is in the barn and it's time to get milked they'll just stand motionless til the farmer comes and guides them. whenever i let the weight of the world overwhelm me i get this jersey cow syndrome. i just freeze as thoughts of what am i doing here in memphis? do i really want to do nursing? am i going to be single for the rest of my life? where am i going to work? o the list could just go on and on, but i think that you get the point. these questions eat away at me and paralyze me. this picture of the farmer/father and the cow paints a picture in my head of Christ and us. we get in these habits of doing the same thing over and over because it's safe and comfortable. we stay on the straight paths that we're on, not wanting to wander because we're afraid of finding out if the grass is really greener on the other side. so we stick with the same herd, same roads, and same place even when we know that the farmer/father is watching over us and he is there to guide our steps. i just love psalm 139

"O LORD, you HAVE SEARCHED me and KNOWN me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways...." (ps 139:1-3)

we have a God that knows us, our every thought, every move, yet we still doubt His plans for our life's???? another set of verses that has really been on my heart lately is from acts.

"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place. that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us" acts 17: 26

these two passages bring my dad's words of wisdom to my ears. he always says to me when i doubt "ye of little faith!" God has me here in Memphis, TN for a reason and i just need to trust in Him. it's funny how when life is happening to us we don't see God's meaning behind it. i could probably write a book on the ways that God has used my situations to shape me or someone around me. of coarse at the time the change was happening i questioned God.....why do you have me in memphis? why couldn't i stay in auburn? but these situations are a part of God's plan in my life, i just need to trust in the farmer/father because He will provide!

ye of little faith

"Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust Him for His grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face." William Cowper

where is home?

so i'm sitting here at the kitchen table thinking about my life here in indiana and how it about 12 hours i'll be leaving it yet again for who knows how long. my brother is sitting at the table with me playing dj. the song that's on the playlist now is coldplay's "fix you." the words "lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and i will try to fix you" pierce my heart. i’ve listened to this song i don’t even know how many times and every time i always have this picture playing in my head of my farm, my family, my animals, but not this time. i have a new picture, a picture the Kingdom of God and it brings to my eyes just how broken i am. i remember back in the fall my preacher in Indiana was talking about our life on Earth, he put it this way “we live in tents because our real home is in heaven with the Father!” i feel that i get so caught up in my life in this world…nursing school, relationships, questions about the future, that i lose site of my purpose on this earth, to give up my broken life and chase after the Lord’s Kingdom!