i'm at the poplar sitting on the kitchen counter just thinking about how the kitchen is my favorite part of a house. i've shared so many good memories, life lessons in little kitchens. today i've just been baking, but i have been mediating on the things that has placed on my heart lately... obedience to God, finding rest in Him alone, desiring to really know God, a desire to share the Gospel with my classmates, wanting to know lulu ( a middle aged woman who pushes a grocery cart down poplar at the same time everyday). my list goes on and on. i feel that more things are added to the list daily. things that i want to happen in my life, spiritual things and even relationships. i know that i wrote about trusting in God a couple of weeks ago, but i've still struggling with it. i want to have the peace of God and rest in that! like that verse in philippians:
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
that sounds easy enough, but how do we get this "peace." my only answer is through God's word. soaking in scripture, having fellowship and community with other believer's. i love it when it says "which surpasses all comprehension." that God's peace is beyond our understanding! we just have to trust in Him, that He is working the things out in our live's for the good. today i was listening to a sermon from my preacher back home and it was on suffering. he was talking about how we are going to suffer. that Christ suffered for us on the cross, so what makes us think that we aren't going to suffer? that is so true. i feel that sometimes i think that my life shouldn't be this hard. i feel so selfish in thinking like that when my struggles and suffering don't amount to those in haiti or somewhere on the other side of the world. i don't have to worry about suffering in believing the Gospel, going to church like people in china. but to me my suffering is real, it's important....not just because it is happening to me, but because is is shaping my faith. every broken relationship, every person, place, test, day, is somehow shaping, sanctifying me! i love this quote by c.s. lewis "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." God is using the pain that has wounded my heart to draw my closer to him! if we never had pain, stress, suffering we would fail to live for Chris because everything would be perfect. well i could go on but the stress of school is weighing my down.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
dying to become new
if i could have dinner with anyone on this earth it would be elizabeth elliot! i stumbled upon this quote in one of her books...
"deeper and deeper must be the dying, for wider and fuller is the lifetide that it is to liberate-no longer limited by the narrow range of our own being, but with endless powers of multiplying in other souls. death must reach the very springs of our nature to set it free; it is not this thing or that thing that must go now: it is blindly, helplessly, recklessly, our very selves. a dying must come upon all that would hinder God's working through us-all interests, all impulses, all energies that are "born of the flesh"-all that is merely human and apart from His Spirit."
just the wording in that passage is so powerful..."blindly, helplessly, recklessly." that just convicts me of my brokeness. my brokeness of loving the world more than my Father. i love when it says "a dying must come upon all that would hinder God's working through us." that my life isn't about me, know matter how much i like to think so. "by the power of GOd, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began." 2 timothy 1:9. that's so empowering. that we have to die from our sinful self.
lately i've been thinking about what i'm struggling with and probably like every other college girl it's contentment. just contentment in the place that God has placed me and in singleness. i feel that in my singleness God is slowly revealing to me just my selfish heart is. how i think "God why can't it be this way or that way?" when i shouldn't even be questioning the place that God has me. i read in ecclesiastes last week these verses "consider the work of GOd; who can make straight what he has made crook? in the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: GOd has made the one as well as the other , so that man may not find out anything that will be after him." i'm just stopped in my tracks. God is in control of my life and i need to trust in Him! that Him could use the place that i'm at to draw me closer to Him and share His Kingdom! that painting perfect pictures in my head of what my life is going to look like is not going to get me anywhere. we are calling to live our live's for Christ, why do we act like his blood was cheap??
"deeper and deeper must be the dying, for wider and fuller is the lifetide that it is to liberate-no longer limited by the narrow range of our own being, but with endless powers of multiplying in other souls. death must reach the very springs of our nature to set it free; it is not this thing or that thing that must go now: it is blindly, helplessly, recklessly, our very selves. a dying must come upon all that would hinder God's working through us-all interests, all impulses, all energies that are "born of the flesh"-all that is merely human and apart from His Spirit."
just the wording in that passage is so powerful..."blindly, helplessly, recklessly." that just convicts me of my brokeness. my brokeness of loving the world more than my Father. i love when it says "a dying must come upon all that would hinder God's working through us." that my life isn't about me, know matter how much i like to think so. "by the power of GOd, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began." 2 timothy 1:9. that's so empowering. that we have to die from our sinful self.
lately i've been thinking about what i'm struggling with and probably like every other college girl it's contentment. just contentment in the place that God has placed me and in singleness. i feel that in my singleness God is slowly revealing to me just my selfish heart is. how i think "God why can't it be this way or that way?" when i shouldn't even be questioning the place that God has me. i read in ecclesiastes last week these verses "consider the work of GOd; who can make straight what he has made crook? in the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: GOd has made the one as well as the other , so that man may not find out anything that will be after him." i'm just stopped in my tracks. God is in control of my life and i need to trust in Him! that Him could use the place that i'm at to draw me closer to Him and share His Kingdom! that painting perfect pictures in my head of what my life is going to look like is not going to get me anywhere. we are calling to live our live's for Christ, why do we act like his blood was cheap??
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
love is here
so my new favorite band is tenth avenue north! they are amazing....well one of their songs is called "love is here.' i love it, and i'm been thinking lately what lesson God is trying to teach my now and i've reached the conclusion that it is love! ha i feel that sounds so elementary. that sometimes i find myself skipping over love. i'm like oh i know all about love, blah, blah, blah. but the more i see my heart, i realize how somewhere along this bumped road of my life i have let bitterness take home and i fail to remember the love that Christ has for me! me a fallen, broken sinner has the unfailing love of our LORD! i was reminded of this again in reading 2 timothy 1. paul is writing a letter to timothy and the words that he uses are words that i'm sad to say aren't in my everyday vocabulary.
"...as i remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. as i remember your tears, i long to see you, that i may be filled with joy." 2 timothy 1:3-4
it is so amazing to read the love that paul had for his brother in Christ! when was the last time you felt those kind of feelings toward a brother or sister i Christ? I know for me i'd have to admit i cannot thing of one. o the brokeness of my heart! feel that when i read verses like these i just skim the surface and never actually drive in deep. i make the reading of God's word like my little fix in the morning with my coffee and at night before i go to bed. but that it's enough! i need to be feeding and soaking in the power of the gospel. hebrews 4:12-13 "for the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and discerning to thoughts and intentions of the heart. and no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." those verses are so powerful! i pray for love and compassion for my spiritual family.
"...as i remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. as i remember your tears, i long to see you, that i may be filled with joy." 2 timothy 1:3-4
it is so amazing to read the love that paul had for his brother in Christ! when was the last time you felt those kind of feelings toward a brother or sister i Christ? I know for me i'd have to admit i cannot thing of one. o the brokeness of my heart! feel that when i read verses like these i just skim the surface and never actually drive in deep. i make the reading of God's word like my little fix in the morning with my coffee and at night before i go to bed. but that it's enough! i need to be feeding and soaking in the power of the gospel. hebrews 4:12-13 "for the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and discerning to thoughts and intentions of the heart. and no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." those verses are so powerful! i pray for love and compassion for my spiritual family.
Monday, January 11, 2010
jersey cow syndrome
i guess it was only a matter of time before i was broken down by this world again. usually the stresses and the challenges of nursing school are the things that get under my skin, but this time it's my situation.
my dad is the one that i usually has to calm my thoughts down. if he was to describe me he'd probably say that i was a jersey cow. for those of you that don't know the relationship between me and a jersey cow i will explain. jersey's are creatures of habit and are very stubborn. they have order and a system that they must follow or they freak out. well by freak out i mean lock their legs and freeze in place. if a new person is in the barn and it's time to get milked they'll just stand motionless til the farmer comes and guides them. whenever i let the weight of the world overwhelm me i get this jersey cow syndrome. i just freeze as thoughts of what am i doing here in memphis? do i really want to do nursing? am i going to be single for the rest of my life? where am i going to work? o the list could just go on and on, but i think that you get the point. these questions eat away at me and paralyze me. this picture of the farmer/father and the cow paints a picture in my head of Christ and us. we get in these habits of doing the same thing over and over because it's safe and comfortable. we stay on the straight paths that we're on, not wanting to wander because we're afraid of finding out if the grass is really greener on the other side. so we stick with the same herd, same roads, and same place even when we know that the farmer/father is watching over us and he is there to guide our steps. i just love psalm 139
"O LORD, you HAVE SEARCHED me and KNOWN me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways...." (ps 139:1-3)
we have a God that knows us, our every thought, every move, yet we still doubt His plans for our life's???? another set of verses that has really been on my heart lately is from acts.
"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place. that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us" acts 17: 26
these two passages bring my dad's words of wisdom to my ears. he always says to me when i doubt "ye of little faith!" God has me here in Memphis, TN for a reason and i just need to trust in Him. it's funny how when life is happening to us we don't see God's meaning behind it. i could probably write a book on the ways that God has used my situations to shape me or someone around me. of coarse at the time the change was happening i questioned God.....why do you have me in memphis? why couldn't i stay in auburn? but these situations are a part of God's plan in my life, i just need to trust in the farmer/father because He will provide!
my dad is the one that i usually has to calm my thoughts down. if he was to describe me he'd probably say that i was a jersey cow. for those of you that don't know the relationship between me and a jersey cow i will explain. jersey's are creatures of habit and are very stubborn. they have order and a system that they must follow or they freak out. well by freak out i mean lock their legs and freeze in place. if a new person is in the barn and it's time to get milked they'll just stand motionless til the farmer comes and guides them. whenever i let the weight of the world overwhelm me i get this jersey cow syndrome. i just freeze as thoughts of what am i doing here in memphis? do i really want to do nursing? am i going to be single for the rest of my life? where am i going to work? o the list could just go on and on, but i think that you get the point. these questions eat away at me and paralyze me. this picture of the farmer/father and the cow paints a picture in my head of Christ and us. we get in these habits of doing the same thing over and over because it's safe and comfortable. we stay on the straight paths that we're on, not wanting to wander because we're afraid of finding out if the grass is really greener on the other side. so we stick with the same herd, same roads, and same place even when we know that the farmer/father is watching over us and he is there to guide our steps. i just love psalm 139
"O LORD, you HAVE SEARCHED me and KNOWN me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways...." (ps 139:1-3)
we have a God that knows us, our every thought, every move, yet we still doubt His plans for our life's???? another set of verses that has really been on my heart lately is from acts.
"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place. that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us" acts 17: 26
these two passages bring my dad's words of wisdom to my ears. he always says to me when i doubt "ye of little faith!" God has me here in Memphis, TN for a reason and i just need to trust in Him. it's funny how when life is happening to us we don't see God's meaning behind it. i could probably write a book on the ways that God has used my situations to shape me or someone around me. of coarse at the time the change was happening i questioned God.....why do you have me in memphis? why couldn't i stay in auburn? but these situations are a part of God's plan in my life, i just need to trust in the farmer/father because He will provide!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
ye of little faith
"Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face." William Cowper
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
where is home?
so i'm sitting here at the kitchen table thinking about my life here in indiana and how it about 12 hours i'll be leaving it yet again for who knows how long. my brother is sitting at the table with me playing dj. the song that's on the playlist now is coldplay's "fix you." the words "lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and i will try to fix you" pierce my heart. i’ve listened to this song i don’t even know how many times and every time i always have this picture playing in my head of my farm, my family, my animals, but not this time. i have a new picture, a picture the Kingdom of God and it brings to my eyes just how broken i am. i remember back in the fall my preacher in Indiana was talking about our life on Earth, he put it this way “we live in tents because our real home is in heaven with the Father!” i feel that i get so caught up in my life in this world…nursing school, relationships, questions about the future, that i lose site of my purpose on this earth, to give up my broken life and chase after the Lord’s Kingdom!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
