jesus loves you

so i'm recovering from my 12 hour clinical. when this semester started, i was so annoyed and anger that i was going to be at this hospital. my friend brown informed me that God has me at this hospital for a reason. haha what do you say to that??? well i just finished week 3 and i have to agree with her. God's hand is ever present in this clinical, from the way my nurse treats me to the patients. i feel that the Lord is trying to open my eyes to the suffering of His people. i feel myself always thinking my problems, my suffering is so much greater then those around me. i want so bad for the Lord to answer my prayers, my heart's desire, of coarse this is all in vain because i'm basically telling God that i know more than Him. i know that the Lord will's things to happen and His timing is perfect, it's just so hard to remember that in the moment. most of the patient's i've dealt with come from a long line of brokenness. they are deeply wounded by broken relationships, addictions, etc. it just breaks my heart!! i feel so convicted to share the gospel with them. like the other day one of my patient's was crying that no one loved her, she was going on and on. i wanted so bad to scream, "Jesus does!!!" i know that i'm just a student nurse and i'm not in the place to share the gospel, but i pray that the Lord would continue to give me strength and courage to care for these people.

"whatever the Lord pleases, He does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps." ps 135:6

"let not your hearts be trouble. believe in God; believe also in me....I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU AS ORPHANS; I WILL COME TO YOU. yet a little while and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. because I live, you also will live." john 14:1; 18-19

"for the LOVE of CHRIST controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and He died for all that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised." 2 cor 5:14-15

"for we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempts as we are, yet without sin." heb 4:15

wounds

so i'm getting ready to go to bed because i have my first 12 hour clinical tomorrow. oh joy!! i was reading in my journal and thinking about life and i decided to write. i guess i haven't been in the writing mood lately because i've been frustrated with life and the lack of direction that seems to be surrounding me. my dad sent me a text this morning about the passage where Jesus tells the disciples "ye of little faith!!" he said the term "hang in there comes from Jesus hanging on the cross." i mean who knows if that's right, but it cut me deep. i feel that i store so much into things/ideas/plans/people of this world and God's like "no, not going to happen.." i mean, i understand that we have to know what hunger feels like to know when to eat, but i feel that i've been starving the past 4 years and i'm just so over it. i know that i'm just being a brat. i was just looking at some sermon notes from last year....the sermon was on wounds and jacob. how GOd had to wound jacob in order to draw him to Him!! i feel that i've just been wrestling God the past 4 years, wanting so badly to go my own way. to have things work out the way that i want them to. i know that it's all in sin, i'm human, broken, weak, what in the world can i do on my own?? i wish that was easy to just accept. that it didn't have to hurt to feel scars that the wounds of this world leave on us. oh how i hate sine!!!! at the end of that sermon about jacob, the preacher said "where God wounds use the deepest He uses us the most." i believe it, but i hate waiting.