wounds

so i'm getting ready to go to bed because i have my first 12 hour clinical tomorrow. oh joy!! i was reading in my journal and thinking about life and i decided to write. i guess i haven't been in the writing mood lately because i've been frustrated with life and the lack of direction that seems to be surrounding me. my dad sent me a text this morning about the passage where Jesus tells the disciples "ye of little faith!!" he said the term "hang in there comes from Jesus hanging on the cross." i mean who knows if that's right, but it cut me deep. i feel that i store so much into things/ideas/plans/people of this world and God's like "no, not going to happen.." i mean, i understand that we have to know what hunger feels like to know when to eat, but i feel that i've been starving the past 4 years and i'm just so over it. i know that i'm just being a brat. i was just looking at some sermon notes from last year....the sermon was on wounds and jacob. how GOd had to wound jacob in order to draw him to Him!! i feel that i've just been wrestling God the past 4 years, wanting so badly to go my own way. to have things work out the way that i want them to. i know that it's all in sin, i'm human, broken, weak, what in the world can i do on my own?? i wish that was easy to just accept. that it didn't have to hurt to feel scars that the wounds of this world leave on us. oh how i hate sine!!!! at the end of that sermon about jacob, the preacher said "where God wounds use the deepest He uses us the most." i believe it, but i hate waiting.